Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all of my friends and family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Hugs and Kisses!

Leslie

As if I didn't have enough to deal with..........

I had to take Cj to the drs yesterday....He's got an eye infection, an ear infection and a sinus infection....and the chicken pox. My poor baby was misrable last night! He's sleeping right now....

Yesterday did NOT go as I had hoped. It's just one thing after another going on here and I can't take it much more.

I don't know where to turn sometimes.....Thank you to my faithful friends who have been there for me. I appreciate it!

Death and Happy Annivesary!

I feel so lost.

I don't understand.

Our old dog, Violet, passed on today. She had been sick, but not bad. She was starting to act normal last night, but went to go out this morning and never came back in. I took her to the vet with Tina today to have her creamated.

R.I.P.

Violet 7-1-07 to 9-24-08

Tomorrow is me and Corey's 10th wedding anniversary and we're no closer to solving our problems than we were a few weeks ago. I'm just so done. He still treats me like crap.

Enough said.

Looking for....

Your favorite fall recipies! I'll be posting some of mine on In My Kitchen ;)

What I want and what I'm going to get....

Are probably two different things.


So....Corey started a new job. It's great, it's steady hours, pay's not bad. he works from 3-11, which is great, i get to spend time with the girls. the only problem is he works wednesday-sunday. which means he's working over my most important time of the week for my classes.....


So I want a clean house and homework that does itself! LOL...I can get the first one, no problem...the second one....hahahaha

Tomorrow......GO DALLAS!

My New Venture!

I am working with General Mills, to help promote their products. I have started a new blog, check it out ;)

IN MY KITCHEN (<~~~click here)

Let me know what you think!

I am also going to be adding posts, and if anyone has any ideas/suggestions for my blog, or recipes you want to share, let me know, by email or comment.

Chicken pox.....

Piper got them.....

Another day, another dollar

So.........My update....

Piper turned 7 this week! I can't believe it. She's getting so big, yet at the same time, is still quite a handful. There are some days that I can't wait for her to go to bed. But I guess that's all kids.....She had a sleepover friday night, and had a blast!

Things with the other kids are good..

Things with Corey have been....rocky, to say the least. We have good moments and bad moments. Makes me wonder why..........

So......I'm behind in schoolwork...today didn't go as I would have wanted......I hope I can catch up a little later tonight and tomorrow.....wish me luck!

Tomorrow is my MIL's surprise birthday party....this should be fun. ;)

So....Life goes on....

Well....I don't have to move. I went to an agency, and they're willing to work with me. They are giving my landlord a considerable amount. SO.........He said it won't stop the proceedings, but he will not execute them unless he doesn't get this money.

I told Corey last night I needed some space. I NEED him to go for a while. He doesn't think we have problems. I am going to try to talk to him again tonight, and explain a little more..I need time to think...I need to think about where I want to go in my life, where I want my kids to go. I need to remember WHY we are together. I don't want to be together just because we have kids, or for the wrong reasons, ya know?? He hardly helps around the house, unless I bitch to get it done, and that's not right. Or when I ask I get, "I'll get to it" which never gets gotten to. He gets nasty with me at the drop of a hat....I'm tired of it....Oh, yesterday, he raked down the yard (yes he actually did something!)

We gave our pups away. I feel so bad for splitting them up, but I know they're in good homes. My friend Tina took Violet and My mom took Sunny. I know they will both care for my "bad eggs." I feel bad because I know they just don't understand.

One of Connie's friend's Mom's and I took a walk on the canal the other night, and we found out we have a lot in common! She made me realize that there is something missing in my life....something I had when I was younger, and might have to explore again. I'm not going to say anymore about that for now.....only that it was good to have someone to talk to, and some to listen....

I need to stay in contact with my friends and family. This is a hard thing for me to do. I get so wrapped up in what is going on here, I forget about the rest of the world, and I'm sorry. I still don't have it figured out, how to deal....I'm working on it.

Well....Off to wake the girls up and get them ready for school (which they LOVE!!!!) Have a great day!

Where do I go from here?

I should hear something next week about an eviction. I can't tell you how done with this marriage I am. I am tired of not having money....I know it's not easier being single, but at least I'd get the money I need to pay the bills, ya know?

Now, my MIL is saying she's not sure if we can move in with her...She doesn't have room....when a few days ago, she said she'd make room....ugh.

Dh is NO help at all...in any way....

I feel like I should have known better......

I have schoolwork to do....Blog later.....

Update....sorta....

We didn't get the loan.

This sucks. I hate not knowing what is going to happen next.

I have tried agencies, but they don't have funding until October. I do have an appt with one of them.....2 weeks from now. I also have to go to see about another intake place...They might have an apartment to move into....but it's in Allentown.

I told dh that if I have to move to this apartment, he will NOT be coming with. I told him I am so done with this crap. I will be going to Domestics too. He told me I should do what I feel is best for the kids.

But I don't want to tear him from the kids.....They are HIS too....

I could move into my MIL's house...but she has unruly cats, that pee on everything....I can't have a baby or my girls in a house like that....I guess I just have to wait and see what happens....

So........

Just taking things one day at a time. I have to do what is best for my kids....

Some Random Reflections....

Cj is 7 months old today! I take a few moments every month, and thought I would share them with you: (Please remember these are MY reflections....)

Today I have been bf'ing for 7 months. This is a new experience for me, I didn't nurse my girls. I was determined to try with Cj. It does tie me down a little more than I would like, But I know I'm giving Cj everything good...Every month, I think, I made it this far, maybe I'll try another month.....I am resolving here and now, I am going to *try* to make it to one year. But I think I'm going to have a hard time weaning him even then.

My bond with Cj is alot stronger than I had with the girls. The girls would LOVE to play with Daddy, but not Cj. I mean, don't get me wrong, he does play with Daddy, but he prefers Mommy....I like being wanted and loved....

This time last year, I went thru the down's syndrome scare. Shortly after that, they told me something was wrong with his heart...My whole pregnancy was set on pins and needles....I am happy to say that i got a healthy little boy, for the most part. He had a slight murmer, but it's all but gone now. The ear infections, while stressful with all of the crying, drs visits and antibotics, were manageable...He got his surgery, and he's been healthy for the most part....

He's grown so much...He's got 4 teeth, sitting on his own, pulling himself up, laughing at peek a boo, crawling....although he drags his left side...But our ped put a call into EI again for us...

His sisters drive me nutty sometimes, but I love them too....

Piper is maturing, but still doing alot of things she shouldn't...par for the course, i guess...I wish we would finally figure out what makes her tick....It would be great to know how to deal with her sometimes....She is turning 7 soon....hard to believe....

Kryslyn is becoming quite the young lady....And all attitude along with it...Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with her either...she gets her feelings hurt so easily....She doesn't take no for an answer sometimes...I find it hard to believe that she's going to be 10 this year too!

Connie....she's a teenager before her time...all she wants to do is run, run, run....forget her chores, who wants to do them? Certainly not Connie...But I have to say, she is a good big sister, for all of the trials and tribulations we've gone thru with her...

I do have to say this though, they are good with Cj for the most part....Connie is really coming around, now that Cj plays a little more...I think she feels kinda left out sometimes, b/c Kryssie and Piper try to dominate Cj's time. Kryslyn and Piper get too rough with him sometimes and Pi surely doesn't know when enough is enough....I can't tell you how many times I have had to yell at her to leave Cj alone!

All in all, the kids are fine.

I wish I could say the same about my marriage. Corey and I have been together for so long...Sometimes I feel like we can't ever get along. We will be married for 10 years and I feel that he hasn't changed all that much...He still won't hold down a job, or if he has a job, it isn't one that is steady work....He still is VERY selfish.....(like NOT letting me sleep in, he watches what he wants to watch, plays what games he wants to play when he wants to....I wish I had that luxury) I don't know what else to say....I just know that I can't loose everything again....We did it 6 years ago, and I will not stand for it again.

The problems of this week have put a new prospective on life for me. Corey is never going to change. He's always going to work at a dead end job, he's not ever going to buck up and get a decent job and SUPPORT his family like he should. Just once, I'd like to pay the phone, cable, electric, gas, rent and our other bills and have money in the account left for animal food, things for the house, and food for us.... I sometimes wish I would have never let him move back in when we split up after loosing our house. That was one of the lowest times of my life, knowing that I could loose my kids because their father didn't want to pay the bills...things had gotten better but now.....*sigh*


He is trying to get a loan from his parents for us not to loose our house and can pay our bills, because he hasn't been working....it's just another bill...It's like robbing Peter to pay Paul.

The question is can I live with that? The answer? No. I can't. I can't keep risking my kids for him to be a little boy and not want to take responsibility.

Me? I am tired....tired of fighting with kids to get stuff done....tired of fighting about money...tired of being tired...I wish dh and the kids would make more time for chores and let me do my schoolwork...as of right now, I have 5 essay papers and 2 discussion board topics (plus some replies to other's posts) to do. I have been on the go for the most part all week...In fact, I'm going to cut this off here, because I should get cracking....Thanks for listening, if you got this far...

is it too much?

Is it too much to ask for a little help from the people that live with me??

You would think i am asking if i can yank out their teeth!

Man......

more and more....

Bills suck....Need more $$$

homework sucks.....need more time.....

isn't that the story of everyone's life? Needing more time and money????

Enough said...

Weekend plans....

My Monkeys:



Hey everyone!


This weekend, for me, consists of homework and NOTHING else!


I have a few slide shows I wanted to show everyone....Let me kwow what u think....I have to post links, I haven't figured out how to upload my slideshows here....



These 2 are from The Lehigh Valley Zoo.....





http://s59.photobucket.com/albums/g303/starchild079/?action=view&current=d409ab69.pbw





http://s59.photobucket.com/albums/g303/starchild079/?action=view&current=69c8ec6d.pbw





And this one is from "a day in the life of us" that we had done on our Jan. 2008 pg.org board:





http://s59.photobucket.com/albums/g303/starchild079/DILTO/?action=view&current=25a5493a.pbw





Thank you and Have a nice day!

"No more Pictures, Please!"

Another day....another dollar....wait, that's not right....

schoolwork to be done....

crabby baby.....

pool later.....

this should be a great day!

overwhelmed

I am overwhelmed. I am trying to go back to get my bachlors degree, but if i focus on homework, the house falls apart, because my kids don't help....if i focus on housework, i'd have no time for schooling....

I just don't know what to do....

baby, baby....

Everytime I log into the Large Families board on Pregnancy.org, or read about large families, or watch Jon and Kate plus 8, I so wish I could expand our family more. I mean, I should be greatful that I have 4 wonderful children, but part of me can't help I want more.....I love my kids. However, part of me want another, or a few more....

Enough said.......

procrastinating.....

I should be studying....But I'm blogging....

I tried to get homework done yesterday, but dh was bugging me and not being very helpful...I wish he'd just help a little more.....

Other than that, s.s.d.d.

Cj is starting to crawl now, and that means the kids are going to have to help me keep the floor clean, whether they like it or not........

It's been a good summer, so far....

That is all ;)

wow....long time

Morning!

Things have been nutty around here! Summer hit me as a busy time! My kids are keeping me busy!

Our summer has consisted of cleaning out the house, and the pool....

we had a freak storm here, amazingly, we came thru unharmed....we had sever tree damage from the storm...

Here's a link to those pics........ http://s59.photobucket.com/albums/g303/starchild079/07-17-08%20to%2007-20-08/?action=view&current=4368280e.pbw

We went to Knoebles for a day, and had a blast...... here are the pics from that :o) http://s59.photobucket.com/albums/g303/starchild079/07-17-08%20to%2007-20-08/?action=view&current=6658120c.pbw

Then we went to my sisters....had fun there, and here are those pics :) http://s59.photobucket.com/albums/g303/starchild079/07-17-08%20to%2007-20-08/?action=view&current=5c1d7d76.pbw

Now it's back to the grindstone, cleaning.......wish us luck!

Updating..

I copied and pasted this from My pregnancy.org Jan. 2008 weekend chit chat thread..(pic from Babycenter.com email)

Ahhh....to sleep later than 6 a.m. Even if it was broken up...

Last night we had dinner at a friends house, and took our pups to her house, letting them play with her puppy (the one I puppy-sit) and they LOVED it...They loved it so much, I didn't hear a peep out of them until after 9:30 a.m.!!! The girls had a blast too, since they slept in til them too!

Cj slept ok, he was pulling on his ears, (Dh and I had tag-teamed him before bed to give him his meds, tylenol and eyedrops...which he protested the whole time) waking up on and off....(did I metion that Cj was 20 lbs 8.8 ozs at the ER?)

I told dh that he NEEDS to start getting more active with Cj. It's starting to get to the point where all Cj wants is ME, which is ok, but sometimes Mama NEEDS a break....Anyone else going thru this? I try to be understanding right now b/c of his EI...any suggestions??? (p.s. he won't sleep unless I am holding him and if I put him down, he'll only sleep for about a 1/2 hour...)Also,

I have been feeling really down...I started like this with Piper and went to a place that I didn't care for...I am going to talk to my Dr. and see what he thinks....Maybe I can get something for my anixety, or maybe they have some ideas....Idk if anyone noticed that I haven't really been posting alot...It's nothing personal, I'm just going thru this phase where I think everyone is mad at me, withdraw, and then start feeling better...

The girls are doing good, excited that school is out Monday (they have a 1/2 day, get their report cards)...I promised the kids I'd take them to the pool if they were good...

This weekend is a busy one for us....We have a wedding/reception to go to today and before that, we have to help my bff finish putting her air conditioner (that's what we started last night) in the window. Tomorrow, MIL volunteered FIL and Dh to move the woman getting married today to her new apt. with her new dh. Happy Father's day to them. LOL Other than that, It's to the pool if the weather holds.....(we got a summer pass)

They could care less...

Let me just say, that I didn't mean for this blog to sound like my life is a bitch-fest....But that's how it's sounding....sorry....

I am so sick and tired of dh and his crap....FIND A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!! Obiviously this one doesn't pay! And when you're home, THINK OF SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF AND STOP YELLING!!!!! (let your wife sleep in for once????)

And Why can't my house stay clean? Just one day? Please?

Ok, pretty much done now...

Cj did the cutest thing last night at Tina's...He started laughing at me playing peek-a-boo....he would do that one syllabul laugh, and last night, it was the full laugh :)

Well, time for the next bus stop run!

bloggin is the things to do...

These are from Friday Night!

Ok, So, It's been a while since I've blogged last. I know no one is following this, or anything, but I feel the need to blog...

So, My weekend last weekend didn't go as planned...I wound up taking Cj to the Drs. on monday. He was gunky in the eyes again, and it was green, a sure sign of infection. So I took him in, and told the dr he was pulling on his ears. Doesn't my lil boy have his 6th EI? the rest of the day consisted of going home and making pepperoni cheesesteaks and that's about it...

Tuesday consisted of me worring out of my mind about Piper. She had an MRI, but they had to put her to sleep to do it...and anyone that knows, putting a kid to sleep can be risky. She did GREAT (and the MRI came back normal, knock on wood). We took her to McDonalds for a reward for being such a good girl. Then the kids came home from school and I had Connie's award ceremony, which she played with the band also. She got an award from the National Science League, for her contribution to the 6th grade science olympiad.

Wednesday was my day of rest...

Thursday was our appt with Dr. Greenspan. He opted for tubes (which i figured is where it would go) and Cj's getting surgery (tubes) on 6/23.

Friday was a pretty easy day, we went yard sale hopping....Then after Tina got back from Settlement, we walked to kmart....

Saturday, we helped Tina move into her new house! I'm happy for her, but feel kinda lonely now...Tina and Katie both have moved away and even though I see them almost every day and they're just a phone call away, it's just not the same as them being right next door or right up the street. I know we couldn't live near each other forever, but it doesn't change how I feel.

Sunday....we cleaned around the house, although it doesn't look like it...

Today I have a sick kid home from school (Pi) but it's ok, I want to get something done.....

Memorial Day Weekend Randomness: Day 2

Well...Today was anything but fun.

It started with me being sick last night...I felt feverish and achy...I went to bed early....

Today I wanted to sleep in a little, but was up around 5:30 a.m. Tried to go back to sleep, but that wasn't happening. I took all of the laundry (3 totes and 5 bags) to the laundrymat because dh didn't want to get out of bed.....lucky me...Did I mention that I had Kryslyn, Piper and Cj with me? It was.....interesting to say the least....The girls....HELPED! I was amazed...Of course, they didn't want to put it away when we got home....

All day, Corey's had a bug up his butt....I'm so tired of his attitude....

The day ended with me candle making, cooking and cleaning..........

Of course, I loved getting to spend time with my friends today.........

Now, Mr. Grumpy McGrump-grumps is calling to me to take him to bed....

Have a good night!!!!!!!!!!

Memorial Day Weekend Randomness: Day 1

Since we don't have any plans for this weekend, I've decided that the kids are going to clean! (and of course, so am I) This plan entitles everyone's help, including dh. Hopefully, he'll go for it.

My plan of action started with the kids earlier, cleaning the playroom....this is a long and drawn out process, for some reason. How hard is it to pick up toys and books....of course, there is the mountain of laundry with some mixed into the toyboxes, idk why. Idk why I even bothered last summer to sort out the toys like i did, but i tried...

ANYWAY...........the rest of the day consists of the girls cleaning their rooms, and laundry........Tomorrow is doing more laundry and trust me, there's alot! LOL

I am hoping that on Monday, I can rest a little...I know my room needs some organization, but I'll get to it sometime...LOL

The girls are getting so big, i can't believe it. It seems like one day their babies and the next day they're taking their first steps, going to school for the first time, and now going to middle school (which connie will be next year!) By the time bubby is in K, I'll have a kid in each school (i.e. NLHS, NLMS, Slatington and Peter's Elem.)

SO.........time to play drill sargent!

Sundays are a Day of REST Dammit!!!

I just wish that I could do what I want on ONE day in a week. I let dh sleep in on Saturday, and SUNDAYS are mine to sleep in!!!!

That's ok, I tried to lay down and every time I fell asleep for more than 5 minutes, SOMEONE/SOMETHING woke me up!

UNBELIEVABLE!

Ok, done venting...LOL

I'm making steak tonight with noodles...nothing special really going on today....

On a good note, Cj is a completely happy baby (for the most part) today!! Right now he's fussy b/c he wants to eat....

One other thing...My MIL tells me I play favorites, so what did she do this weekend?? She takes Piper over night Friday night, just takes her running errands....Kryslyn yesterday/last night, takes her to PICKLES and to Prince Caspian....Then takes Connie tonight to make dinner???????WTF!?!?!?!

4 months old!!!

Happy 4 mo. old Cj!!!

We had a drs appt today....He is 18 lbs 5 oz, 25 1/2 inches long.

He's doing great, I got the ok for starting veggies and fruits (although I already have), have been referred to the ENT, been told to let him CIO (although idk how i feel about that) to get him to sleep in his crib. Oh and he got 3 shots and one oral vaccination.

It's been a long day...I am so tired...I had to stay down at my mom's (which was ok) all day because I borrowed MIL's car.

Came home to a progress report waiting for me...but for Connie...Idk what to do with this girl....She's so freakin smart but isn't living up to her potential. If we yell at her, she gets upset then makes herself sick. We told her that we're not getting her tickets to Nascar (were going to the Pennsylvania 500) unless she can get her grades up.

I want to start blogging every day, but I forget to...but i will update a.s.a.p.

I'm going to take a bath while Cj's occupied....

Bit the Bullet

Finally started an online Blog. Check back often to see my updates!